tamaam umaar .!!

29th nov 08 ... 01:12 am

tuday my dadu was sittin wid his sister... nd was sharing sum of his old memories...
der i heard sumthing very beautiful from him.. soo thout of sharin it wid you people ...
it was ....

"tamaam umaar kaun rehta hai saath saath,
ye main jaanta hun....
magur thodi der, thodi duur, bus mere saath chal..."

a picture speaks more than thousand words..

Mixed emotions....

18th nov 08 08:36pm


tuday was d day when we met him ( nawaz sir) for the last time. yes he iz leavin us , d department nd yes his family here nd movin to Sharjhan (UAE) for he got sum gud job der... tuday we d students of PGDPRA gave him a party dat was his farewell soo dat he remember all of us...
it was an emotional moment for mee nd i was sooo sentii, nd was soo much touched dat i almost cried....yes i wont lie bt im really upset dat he is leavin all of us like dis...not jss mee bt d whole class nd d whole department is goin to miss him badly... :-( bt on d odr side im happy for him...coz hez goin for a better job nd at a better place...
itz jss 2 months nd 15 days tuday....nd in such a small period he has cum soo close to mee nd to all...


i wish him love nd luck nd i wish dat he make big in watevr he du... :-)
all d best nd wil misssss u ........ :-)

and life go's on.....

13th nov 08......12:47 am

And you hold your breath,

Some how you think, dat wil prevent you from crying,
for some reason, you think if you hold the air inside, you can keep your emotions inside, with it....
but it really doesn't work..it jss give you pain, hurt, tears, nd ofcourse headache...

It is now something that is a part of you.Once it belongs to you, it wil always remains you're forever...
in d end you face,whatever comes to you, be it light, or darkness. be it sadness ,or happiness. be it tears, or smile. be it love, or pain. be it anything....!!

wen it cums to you, you wont be thinking of the lie's you ever told, you wont be thinking about your boss, you wont be thinking of sumone who cuts you off in d crowd. you wont be thinking about d amount of money u've spend on sumone, you wont be thinking about all d stupid, insane things, that you think about now.....

You'll only think about the smiling moments...

You'll only think about those times wen you wer strong enough..

You'll think about d one whose smile made it all worth while.........

ALONE..!!

yesterday i dun know wat happened to mee (o3rd.nov.o8), i realized i was all alone...all alone in dis wide world inspite havin soo many frends, soo many gud close frends... :-( yesterday when i need'd a frend, need'd sumone to b wid mee, to listen to mee, wid whom i can sit nd cry my heart out, i founded dat i dun hav ny frend left wid mee here, nd i am soo damn alone...d feeling was soo much hurting nd was soo much like shitt... soo i cried , cried nd cried... kal i missed my frends ,my sweetest,best'st frends ( huma nd shalini) ..i wish dey wer here wid mee to listen to mee.... :-(

i want my days back....

days when i was me ,myself...
days when i was more dan happy, when i was happy wid watevr i had in my life..
days when i was a kid, when i had no tensions, when i nevr gave a thought to wat i am duin..

days when i knew dat dere is nothin such as pain, cry, loneliness, tears... when i knew wat all matters is ur smile ....
days when i use to sleep like der is no tomorrow, nd use to laugh as if no one is watching...

days when dere wer no schools..days when we use to get off coz of rainy day..
days when we use to bunk our classes nd sit in canteen duin nothing...
days when i was very clear to wat i want out of myself, when i was d most important person in my life ...

days when i knew to wat is right nd wat is wrong...
days when i had a best friend ,who was as close to mee as my family...
days when boys wer fun... ;-)
days when nights wer not soo soo soo long...

days when love was just love nd nothing else..
days when feelin, emotions and sentiments wer evrything...
days when boards wer like hell shit, when gettin 9 out of 100 in hindi was fun, when maths was like terror....

days when DJ nights wer fun, masti nd dhamal... ;-)
days when i knew, where evr nd whenevr i go wrong, i have my sweetest nd dearest frends back
der to support me nd help mee...

days when i was not soo alone,inspite havin soo many people around mee in dis crowded world...
days when i use to smile nd laugh widout a reason....

30th oct 2008... 12:19 am

last few days wer bit busy nd wer fun... :-)

huma was here(17th oct 08)...it was a full on surprise,was soo happy to c her .. den it was her birthday(26th oct 08) it was rocking...i nevr knew,had nevr thout dat huma wud b here wid us on her bthday...aftr almost 5 months i saw her,wid not a bit change..it was a heart touching moment for mee ...best of frends sittin tugther nd talkin about d best days of der life... ;-)
den came diwali(27th-28th oct 08) which was al in al masti wid all my cousins.

tuday huma left for zaddhe...nd m missin her abhi se :-( ...nd hopin to c her very sooooon...

nd tuday i got sum lill time to cum here nd write sumthin...

Love Means ..

understandin ,

everything, nything, faith, trust, power, tears,
joy, depth, divine accident, wishes.....

life, wonder, laughs, nothing, pain, jealousy, smile,
togetherness, illusion, fights, happiness, madness, long nights.....

wait, talks, time, innocent, world, space...

growing old together, long talks, nd talks, nd talks, expectations, dreams,
oneness, moments, emotions, unspoken words, seeing urself in his eyes...

dancing in rain, singin on top of ur voice, long walks, holding hands,
listenin to ur heart more dan ur mind...

GIRL POWER

I am a girl, nd i like to be cute, i love pink, nd i du dream...
i love to wear pretty dresses,but im still a tomboy, fightin wid evry oder guy in ma class...
i like to go dirt-bike riding...i love my frends, i am fickle minded,givin up things easily...i believe in takin life as it comes..I grew up,climbing tree wid my brother, nd i am stubborn nd a spoilbrat..
The first time I wore heels, was in my mom's closet nd i was 7 or 8 nd I thought i was miss world.. i am gud to people who hate me,nd i am an angel to dem who love mee..i am both a tomboy nd a girl,thats wats go great about being a girl....!!

a guy who..

12th oct..09:05pm...
find a guy who calls you beautiful ,instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him.
who lie under the stars nd listen to ur heartbeat,or wil stay awake juss to watch you sleep,who's alwas der to listen to your problems no matter how busy he is..a guy who kisses your forhead, who tells you no matter wat he trust you nd who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,who holds your hand infront of his friends,who thinks you are juss as pretty widout makeup on.one who is consatntly reminding you of how much he care nd how lucky he is to have you...who loves you not bcause who you r,but bcause wat he is wid you.. a guy who dosnt pretend to know wat love is for evryone,but he can alwaz tel wat love is for him.who can shed tears,when you r gone,nd smiles cause you r wid him...the one who turns to his friends nd says..."That's Her"

"we really dont hav enemies,
it'z juss dat, some of our best friends,
are tryin to kill us.."

gone all away

Remember me wen I'm gone away,

gone far away into my angel world.

wen you can no more see me,
or hold me by the hand..

in LOVE

have seen ups and downs, hav been thru tears and smile,thru pain...
and now im in love..
the feelin of being in love is soo pure ,so special, nd soo divine...
itz like you have wished sumthin,nd now itz wid you,
for now nd for evr..
itz like lukin at the sunny side of life, nd the silver lining to any dark cloud..
love is all about little things..
itz like standin aside,nd watchin urself go by wid d person u luv...

"follow ur heart,but b quiet for a while first,
ask questions,den feel d answer...
learn to trust ur heart.."

every cloud has a silver lining

LIFE ... CRUEL...

29th sep..9:30 pm...
y cant life b simple nd straight nd smooth nd clam....???
nd y cant it b d way we want it...y it gives us soo much pain nd soo much tears...y cant we b happy nd smilin all tym..???problems nd tensions is dis wat life is all abt...????

one of my closest frend jss lost his father...nd dis news came like a shock to mee..he was all fyn,he was wrkin nd he was vry happy... itz alwas easy to say dat evrything wil b fine...bt jss imagine wat abt dat family who's goin thru all dis...woh shayd fir kabhi ek sath baith ke dinner nai kar paye ge, shayd fir kabhi ek sath kisi baat pe arguments nai honge uss family mein,kabhi ek sath hass, roo nai paye ge ,kuch bhi pehle jaisa nai rahe ga uss family mein....
y GOD is soo bad to people who r soo gud...???y he alwas hurt dem who hav not done nything rong...???i nevr trusted him coz he was nevr gud to mee,nevr listen'd mee nd now i hate him,from core of my heart ...

still the one

i made a lot of mistakes ....
one was falling for u, loving u,and hoping that ul b der by my side whenever i need u...

"wen i first saw u, i saw love....
and d first time u touch'd me, i felt love...
and after all this time ,u still the one i love... ...you still d one i want for life..."

Shaina twain...

wall

some times u gotta put up walls,
not to keep people out.
but to see who cares enuf ,
to break them down..!!

i jus wana spend my life wid u..

Like a dream you can't explain,love can chase a beating of your heart
like the sunshining in the rain,love can make your whole world fall apart

all i wanted now
I just wanna spend my life with you
time will show me how
suddenly everything has turned me inside out
suddenly love is the thing that I can't live without

you are my dream my love my life
I just wanna spend my life with you
you are the one that makes me smile
I just wanna spend my life with you

God I love somehow...
I just wanna spend my life with you...

What have you done to me?
is this how its meant to be..??
can't control this feeling in my heart,
I can see better days glowing inside your eyes,
and I know you feel it in your heart..

Love is a crazy thing
its like when you wanna sing,
and the words are deep inside your soul
when somebody comes along,together you sing a song,
you just let the music take control..

and i wanted now.
i just wanna spend my life with you.......

3rd of SEPTEMBER...d day...!!

ahhh....!!
it was d day... d day of ma life 3rd of sep..my first day of LUCKNOW UNIVERSITY..alwas heard bout it nd soo was now d tym to hav a luk...to tel u d truth i was a bit nervous as i've heard a lot abt it, ofcourse d bad things..lol.. nd more dan mee ma sweetheart dad was nervous,as his lill angel was goin to dis place wich accordin to him was all shitty nd was a hell, nd wich was not at all meant for mee..
i was consoling him to not to worry as i can take care of myself nd dat now im a big gurl...nd it was only mee who knew wat was goin on back in ma mind nd how bad my heart was bittin.. bt den i cant du nythin now...nd dad's r alwas worried about der daughters soo i totally nderstood wat he was goin thru...i was all set to leave ..

reached LU nd i was soo soo soo not happy wid dis, wanted to go back...bt den i saw my dad watchin mee, wid hopes in his eyes dat m a strong gurl nd yes i can take care of myself..soo i went in..people lukin at mee, ohh sorry ..!!d students lukin at mee as if m an alien or sumthing...cumon man giv me a break m not sum miss world soo stop lukin mee like dat ;) lol...my eyes wer searchin sumone whom i knew ,wid whom i can feel a lill better, ya u can say more cumfortable...nd den sarah nd sweta came like a saviour thank u GoD...!! ;)

itz was 11 o' d first class nd my god dat was d one..seth sir...he myt b in his 50's or 60's or may b i dun knw...bt he is full of energy Gosh..!!one must see him.. he was on top of his voice shoutin (wich is his normal way of talkin)nd tellin evryone wat all he has done thru out his life nd carrier nd students wer soo not interested in his talks...nd seriously i havent seen nyone like him,sum how it all end'd nd we wer like thank u god ...lol ..nxt class was at 12 o' nd it was awesum...he came in wid a smile on his face, a face wich no one can evr forget...sumthin was der in his eyes sumthin very positive sumthin very different...nawaz sir..d tym i saw him ,he made mee remember of my english teacher(amit ghosh)...all kool nd happenin nd soo warm nd frendly..thank god atleast he gave a thout of intoducing himself nd ask'd us to introduce ourself...nd as i said his class was all fun ..students wer at der best, dey made mee feel soo very cumfortable out der..exceptions are alwas der nd no one is perfect soo as im nd i was all fyn wid evryone i met...i think if u good to sumone evryone wil b kind to u..soo m on d same track tryin to b all kind nd humble nd frendly to evryone nd tryin to adjust maself in here..

itz almost 3 weeks now nd im still adjustin maself,stil learnin wat LU is all about,wat students r all about...nd im lovin it.. ;)

misssin u huma...

itz 12:51 am...itz rainin outside nd itz pretty cold in here..nd luk at mee m sitting here nd rytin all dis...
itz been 5 damn long years i've known dis girl (huma) my sweetheart...thou she's elder to mee bt i treat her like my lill sis...lol..she's been wid mee thru out my ups nd downs alwas by my side tellin mee not to worry as she's gonna be wid mee thru out...thou she alwas knew she wont be able to pull mee out of my troubles...but as it is said a frend in need is a frend in deed..soo she was alwas der...lol...
we've seen d best days of our life wen we i.e mee, huma nd shalu (d best'st frends) wer tugether...
huma treated mee like a baby...as she was elder to mee,she alwas made it clear dat she protect mee from all dose stupid guys who use to follow us nd du all dat stupid funny things, nd she made it vry clear dat she stand by my side wen evr im into sum fight wid sumone..
d first tym wen i met huma,d first thing wich came to ma mind was my she'z soo much like mee a total spoil brat..but den slowly i get to knw her wel...she was all warm nd kind...like a baby nd sumtyms like a mother...we've seen soo many things tugether...shared soo many tears nd laughed like crazy...runnin aftr each oder...celebrating evry single day as if ders no tomorrow...watchin all d dirty movies nd drinkin vodka tugether..evry single birthday was a blast..late nyt talks,nd early mornin studin for papers was alwas fun...nd in all dis mess shalu was like our grand maa scoldin both of us for all dis stupid creepy things..d best thing in huma was dat she alwas had sum issue wid very damn thing nd she alwas had a solution to it..she actually nevr need'd nyone to tel her dat dis is rong or dat is ryt..a total biindas grl..
it was d last paper of our graduation wen we i.e mee nd shalu came to know dat our sweetheart was gettin married nd i was like no dis is not happenin,she's stil a kid,she cant get married to nyone like dis she dun evn hav brains...she dun know wat marrige is all about..hw can nybody du dis to us...??? i was not at all ready to believe dat she was about to leave all of us like dis..it was hurtin..bt den evrything was decided..nd i was no one to say nything as my sweetheart was all set to get married...hell .... :(
it was 27th of may d big day of her life, as wel as of shalu nd mee...d day wen she left all of us cryin..i hate her for dis, bt den love her for evry lill thing she has done for mee in soo many years...she has given mee d most memorable nd d most beautiful days of my life...
tuday she's not der wid mee,to listen to my crap,to slove my not soo call'd problems, to sit by my side nd to say cry as much as u can,as itz d best way to clean ur eyes...she's not der to comment on my way of dresssin nd to say dat no matter wat you luk hot in evrything :( i wish she was here.... itz almost 4 months now nd she's in zaadhe wid her b'luved hubby all happy in her life

wish u all d happines of dis world...
missin u jaan :)

du u remember....

Years have passed in thousands and millions,
Everytime i live, everytime i fall, everytime i rise and i search you everytime.

Do you remember,no you dont,
how i crumpled on my knees to get you back that day,
i was left alone,
From that time on days are dark, nights are awaken....
time is timeless,everything has gone.

Times were used to be when happy i used to say,
THESE eyes taught me to love, THOSE to cry.

Misfortune was riding high,many times before i died,
unfortunate i am,
See i feel somebody is killing me again.

I will keep on waiting for you untill we meet in this overshadowed world and,
then we'll leave together,
My thirst is everlasting, you my companion will can only halcyon this and salvation
then we'll achieve together......


"ritten by a frend of mine.."
(kaash)

khuda bhi uska ...

manzilen bhi uski thi, rasta bhi uska tha,
ek main akeli thi, kafiila bhi uska tha..

sath sath chalne ki soch bhi uski thi,
fir rasta badalne ka faisla bhi uska tha..

aaj kyu akela reh gaya dil sawal karta hai,
log toh uske the, kya khuda bhi uska tha...????

i wish

i wish i cud hold d stars, i wish i cud touch d sky,i wish i cud turn sand into gold, i wish i cud cry.. i wish i cud tell u how much i luv u, i wish i cud b der by ur side wen evr u need mee, i wish i cud b wid u forevr.. i wish i cud know wat love is all abt, i wish i cud take all ur pain nd say dun wrry m alwas dere wid u, i wish i was ur best frend...i wish....
i wish i cud know y du people lie,cheat,nd hurt der love'd one's, i wish i cud know y people r soo selfish , soo mean nd soo bad to each other, i wish i cud know y people tend to be soo kind nd soo humble nd soo sweet..i wish...
i wish i cud know wat it feels like wen one die's, i wish i cud know to wat do's it mean wen sumone say tugethr forever, i wish i cud turn back d tym, i wish i hav all d happiness of dis world, i wish i cud smile, i wish i cud fly, i wish i cud die...i wish...
i wish i had sumone to listen to mee,i wish i had sumone to say no matter wat u'l alwas have mee...
I WISH...

Boundaries

the boundaries which divide life from
death are at best shadowy and vague.

who shall say where one
ends and the other begins ..

behind d branches of a dead tree

pyaar...

Pyaar ne pucha zindagi kya hai?
humne kaha tere bin kuch nahi.
usne fir pucha dard kya hai?
humne kaha jab tu sang nahi.

pyaar ne pucha mohabbat kaha hai?
humne kaha mere dil me kahi.
usne fir pucha khuda kaha hai?
humne ne kaha tujhme kahi.

pyaar ne pucha humse ishq kyu hai?
humne kaha usko bhi pata nahi
usne fir pucha itni bechaini kyu hai?
humne kaha isme kasoor mera nahi.

pyaar ne pucha aetbaar karoge mera?
humne kaha tumse badkar koi nahi.
usne fir pucha saath doge mera?
humne kaha kyu nahi kyu nahi!

lonely...!!

Lonely am I

Lonely are the nights
Lonely are the days
Lonely am I, in so many ways

Lonely are the seasons
Lonely are the years
So lonely am I, that it brings tears.

Lonely is this place
Lonely is my life
Lonely am I, that I reach for a knife

Lonely is this court room
Lonely is my sentence
So lonely am I that I ask for repentance.

a talk

there's talk on d street,it sounds soo familiar
grt xpectations..every body is watchin u
people you need ,they all seem to knw u.
Johnny come lately,d new kid in town..
evry body loves u,soo dun let dem down.
you luk in his eyes,d music begins to play..
hopless romantics, here we go again.
but aftr a while ,you r lukin the odr way..
It'z dose restless hearts dat nevrmind
there's talk on d street ,it'z der to Remind u ,dat it dosnt really matter,wich side you'r on..
you walkin away and dey'r talkin behind you....